INTRODUCTION

One of my earliest memories of a "life lesson" came when I was ten years old. The basis of the lesson was that every one of our actions, once done, are forever set in stone. We can be happy about it, sad about it, feel remorse or joy depending on the circumstances. But we can not ever take anything back.

The story begins....

I was just about ten years old when I vividly saw that way that time is moving on no matter what we do. It is strange to say it that way, as if it is obvious. Of course time is moving on no matter what we do, but I had never really thought about it before. Then on this occasion, it was so crisply and shockingly brought into focus for me by the one single deed that couldn’t be undone no matter how much we might have wanted it to be.

“Let’s go hiking through the bush for the weekend.” My friend Danny and his older brother Jeff who was fourteen were into this rugged outdoor kind of stuff and it all sounded like an exciting adventure to me. Given that Danny and I are so young, this required parental support, but I just knew that there would be no problem with that for sure. If it got me out of the house for the weekend, there never seemed to be any resistance to the suggestion, as long as it seemed that I was going to be in the company of reasonably responsible people.

So, plans were made and the very next Saturday we were to meet up at Danny’s house where Jeff had arranged for us to get a ride out to the country with his parents. We would start at a popular swimming spot in the Brisbane River valley and hike up the river to the next bridge crossing the river where we could be picked up again. Not a long hike, only about ten miles or so, and through country that was easy hiking, no big hills, and the river never too far away so not likely to go short of water and not likely to get lost. Also, we would not need to be carrying a back pack or anything since we would not really need to be out there all that long. But ten miles is a really long way when you are only ten years old and never done anything like this before, and it was summer, so going to be very warm conditions for hiking through the bush.

Being prepared

On the appointed day, I turned up very proudly showing off the Army water canteen that I got when in the Army Disposals shop with Dad. I wanted the others to see how well prepared I was. Actually, I had no hat, my shirt and shorts were very basic, and I was wearing shoes although they were what were called sand shoes or tennis shoes. I have no idea why they were called sand shoes, but for sure, if you didn’t have a pair of sand shoes you could never go playing tennis, they were really required footwear. However, this is in the years before people went jogging, and brands like Adidas and Nike were decades away. Sand shoes was about state of the art at the time, and I think that I did have a pair but they generally gave me blisters, so I wore them rather reluctantly.

It was exciting to be heading out on this great adventure and what amazing things we might see and find. I had no idea what to expect but really was up for the adventure and couldn’t wait to get out there. As we put our things into the car to be driven by Danny’s parents to the first river crossing where we would start our hike, I noted Jeff had a rifle and it went into the back of the car with our stuff. I was going to ask about it at the time, but everyone seemed to be treating the rifle as just another item of necessary kit for the activity that I didn’t think more of it, and really didn’t want to look like a dummy and ask any stupid questions.

Finally, we arrived at our starting point, a beautiful river crossing that didn’t actually have a bridge. There was just a low level causeway over the river that allowed vehicles to cross most of the time but not when it had been raining enough to raise the river water level more than a few feet. It was one of those magical spots in an era where there were no amusement parks, games arcades, entertainment; hell, we didn’t even have a bike to ride, so this place was a very popular spot for family picnics and day trippers from town where the kids really could get out and have a great time.

We jumped out of the car eager to get started on our hike, and the small amount of gear we were taking with us was pulled out of the boot of the car. Now I sighted the rifle again and had to ask what that was being taken along for. “Oh, just for protection. Never know if there may be snakes along the way.” Now, I still wondered why a gun. Surely if I saw a snake there was no way that I would be wasting time fiddling around with a gun; I would simply be somewhere else and away from the snake as fast as my young legs and sand shoed feet would take me. But who was I to ask any more stupid questions, I just said okay, as long as Jeff had the job of carrying the damn thing I didn’t think about it anymore.

Getting into the adventure

We were quickly all set, and headed off up the hill beside the river crossing and I remember being at the top of the hill and looking back. There was the very picturesque river crossing road and the gentle stream and a few cars and lots of people all enjoying the day out at the river. We waved our goodbyes to Jeff’s mum and dad, and turned to start hiking our way upstream toward the next crossing. It was just great, really warm but mostly we were in the shade of big trees along the river bank, and there seemed to be a constant cool breeze wafting up the river valley.

Being my first hiking and actual outdoors experience everything was new, but I didn’t find anything that I didn’t like - except of course that my damned sand shoes weren’t all that comfortable and constantly got gritty dirt in them that made me have to stop to clean it out. I even found a really cool walking stick, well, it was just a fallen tree branch that was shaped in an interesting way and I could break it off to a suitable length and using it as a staff I felt like a real pioneer Aussie bushman.

We had walked along for about an hour and I was really starting to feel that I needed a break and had been looking around for a spot to see if I could get Danny and Jeff to stop and rest for a while. I didn’t want to look like the baby in the group and be the first to start to moan about being tired but I knew that if I could see a shady spot with somewhere comfortable to sit it would not be too hard to get the others to agree to a stop. And I soon saw a pile of old tree trunks that were apparently put there by the property owners in preparation for burning once they had dried out a bit. These were not small logs, and did make a great spot to sit and rest for a while so I pointed them out and to my surprise, the other two guys were just as keen for a rest as I was. So I didn’t have to feel quite like the baby of the group after all.

Staying alert to the possible dangers

Like a big man, Jeff stepped in front of us and said “Hang on, gotta be careful, there are lots of snakes around in places like this. They like it among the logs and junk like this, so I gotta check it our first.” And with that, he took the rifle off his shoulder and held it out in front of him like a soldier on patrol. I was happy to stand back, let him do his stuff and show us how he was being so mature and safety conscious and protecting us from harm.

As we approached the heap of logs, there were two larger logs lying side by side, and a third log sitting on top of the two. Jeff, using the muzzle of the rifle as a prod, pushed the top log so that it rolled off the top. It took a lot of pushing but it seemed to suddenly give way and open up the gap between the lower two logs. That was the instant that the big lizard came into view and it was, in that instant, quite a frightening sight. Jeff reacted instantly by turning the rifle and firing a shot into what he thought was a threatening creature.

A case of mistaken identity

This very terrifying animal was what I now know to be a blue tongue lizard or simply a blue tongue. These beautiful creatures are quite harmless to humans and a unique feature of the Australian bush. They are even bred in captivity and often kept as pets. This particular one was actually minding its own business and had two babies with it as it slept through the hot part of the day in the small gap in the logs. That was right up until Jeff opened up its hiding place and shot it through the back with his rifle in an instant of fear and ignorance.

The three of us just stood there in silence for a couple of minutes not quite sure what had just happened and surely we didn’t know what to do next. The big blue tongue didn’t move much at all but clearly was mortally wounded, and the two babies were still clinging on to the parent and not able to go anywhere too. Jeff kind of sheepishly said “ah, sorry”, and rolled the top log back into place so that we could not see them anymore.

Being the outsider in this group, I couldn’t come out and criticize, but I was thinking “Sorry, sorry, you’re sorry. Okay, great, now what.” Jeff just looked at us and rounded up his manliness again and said, “come on, lets get going.” And I knew that was because he didn’t want to stay around with the damage that he had just done.

Now, I didn’t really blame Jeff, coz I felt the same rush of fear come over me where I just didn’t know what to do next when seeing that thing that at first had such a scary look about it. And if I had the gun would likely have done just the same thing. But I really felt bad about killing that parent creature which likely meant that the baby critters would also die, and not in a nice way out here in the bush. We, and I think it fair to say “we” because it was all of us in the act at that moment, had inflicted suffering needlessly.

The three of us carried on with our hike but something had changed for all us in that moment. I so vividly remember thinking about how our actions once done just cannot be undone. Why was it that once we realized that it was just a mistake, and that we reacted out of fear only, and that we were really sorry, could it not be changed back so that the animal would be able to go back to how it was? I wanted it all to be just as if we had not come along and everything could just carry on as it was going to before that couple of seconds of badly though out action.

What's Done is Done!

But it could not be as before, and I realized that it was actually the same with every passing moment of my life that there is no going back. I have never forgotten that moment and the knowing that we are all making our future with every action that we take in the present moment. I can still decide what to do tomorrow, make a plan, set a course, make preparations, and set out to see what I can find. But what I did yesterday, or five minutes ago, or one minute ago, or one second ago, is already set in stone and cannot be changed no matter how desperately we may want to change the past events.

Every moment of our lives is a moment that is for keeps – this is not a rehearsal. Right at this moment I am as young as I am ever going to be. I like it that way, and I am conscious of decisions in the present moment and the impact that every present moment decision has on every future moment’s outcome.

FOOTNOTE

The above story is true as far as I can remember it but the basic details absolutely are right. I was only 10 years old and my companions were about 12, the main incident is exactly as it happened and the emotional response in me is what makes it all so memorable.

Looking back on it now at 73 years of age from the basis of how children are monitored by their parents so much more these days, it is astonishing that we were not only allowed to go wandering off in the bush quite poorly prepared at such a young age, but that one of us was armed with a loaded rifle.

It sure was a different world back in those times and I treasure the memory and hope you enjoy reading about it.